📃🪶 Horror and Dreams That Died
Last Updated: 3 months, 3 weeks ago
I miss the people I lost to the cult when I finally broke free. I don't know how they are doing, but I know that I can't give ground to that abusive environment which holds them hostage from others outside who want to help them, though they don't know it. I have some hope for my sisters, but I don't know if my parents will ever experience what it is to live free and unburdened by the torturous fear they were indoctrinated with. I don't think freedom and true acceptance, and non-weaponised, genuine love without a sting in the tail, is something they ever knew in their lives... even before they were preyed upon by the cult.
The dreams that died with you and me
What once was gone can never be
And still I see your mystery
It's as easy to count as one, two, three
Your face I see so clearly
How you looked in your dress, hiked up around your feet
As you walked over mud for your photography
On your wedding, them and us, it was one, two, three
Then she in her dress of white and green
That too was a sight I loved to see
Why do I remember these days so clean
Those weddings, her cushions and the stress that's been
Why did I remember the grass so green
The tents and horses
The night sky and day
The wagon wheel
And the rain and the dam
The people I won't see all again
The first one was for M and D
The next for S, and then for D
Will there ever be one of us all, see
But perhaps there's no more, no need
To count to three
No need, no lead
And why should we need
To count to three
Because don't you see
It's you, her, me,
and somewhere out there,
lost M and D
And perhaps I should stop
Feeling so much pity for them, you see
Maybe they'll be happy in some way you see
But I can't imagine it, not that life
For me, it wasn't anything like that
And I still can't imagine
The horror
The reality
Realized
Of introducing your child to a cult
Of seeking comfort
From trauma
And realising one day
When it's too late
Years back, decades back,
You were preyed apon
But only one day
Way, way, way too late
And I don't know
if you'll ever see
Or if you'll maybe see
Somehow see
Before then
I hold on
(I'm told
and I know rationally)
I shouldn't hold on
But I won't, I don't know if I can or (perhaps) I should,
let go
I know you'll never understand
the sacrifice I made
Letting you go
And do still
Never will you know
You can't know or grasp the truth
Of what they did to you
But only one day
Way, way, way too late
And I don't know
If you'll see
Before then
And I don't know
If I'll see
You again
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